(This page was first created in January/05)
(major revisions to the cast have been entered on March 16, 2006 due to the unforeseeable exit
of so many characters from the movie script. Thanks a lot, Tapper. You thought you could shut down this movie for good. Instead it's become a blockbuster.)

Coming soon...to a theatre near you:

A Manitoba tax-credit produced film

Croak-us: our very own Enron


to be filmed at Prairie Production Centre (defunct Crocus investment)
and produced by Mind's Eye Productions - did they ever do a thing?
and Blye Brothers Productions - give us back our money Alan & Gary!
Sound and light by Westsun (oops, another $21 million down the tube)

Starring:

George Hamilton as James Umlah in the featured role as a debonair promoter who never passed up a chance to saddle shareholders with huge expenses as he pursued his never-ending dream of turning Manitoba into Hollywood North

Mandy Patinkin as Sherman Kreiner - the earnest, pious Philadelphia lawyer whose face adorned Crocus advertisements for years, singing such songs as "Sunrise Sunset" and "If I Had a Million Dollars"

Laurence Harvey (who cares if he died long ago?) reprising his Manchurian Candidate role as Gary Doer - the foxy premier who says: "Crocus - never heard of it!" Watch Laurence Harvey as he coldbloodedly denies all knowledge of anything that might suggest in any way that he knew Croak-us had turned into a pile of crap years ago.
And supporting Laurence Harvey we have Curly and Moe from the Three Stooges as Eugene Kostyra and Rob Hilliard...Gary's ever lovable boys behind the scenes who also can claim total deniability that they ever told Gary anything was wrong with Croak-us

Supporting roles to be played by:


Orson Welles (also deceased, but then again most of the Croak-us directors have been stiffs, too) as the saintly Wally Fox-Decent, a man whose legend grows daily in his mind as the only problem-solver in existence in this province. (Tell us more about the connections between Workers' Comp & Croak-us in building that arena, Wally.)


Sam Waterston as John Loewen - the PC critic who's just as tall as Gary Doer. He knows where most of the bodies are buried at Croak-us and has had his reputation restored, much to the discomfort of the eminently forgettable Stuie Murrary, who is more concerned with making sure that Loewen doesn't gain recognition for helping to expose Crocus than he is in helping Crocus shareholders attain justice.
(Note to readers: Loewen's role has been sent back for major re-write. He's been reduced from a starring role to a cameo appearance.)

This film will be financed entirely on the backs of taxpayers, as have so many other great Manitoba success stories, such as Churchill Forest Industries (all right, I'm old enough to remember that and if you never heard of that, let me explain: Governments used to make horrible investment decisions on their own. Now they let labour sponsored investment funds take the fall for them. Same amateurs at work. Just nicer suits viz. Umlah. 
If you would like to find out more about how you can become an investor in this film, put an ad in the classifieds and watch as the Manitoba Securities Commission swoops down on you and threatens you with a horrible fate!. Just don't ask them to investigate anything to do with Croak-us...this is Canada remember. We couldn't possibly have anything like Enron or Worldcom here, could we?

(The following additions to the cast were entered June 4):

With new revelations emerging every day about what was going on behind the scenes at the Crocus the NDP boiler rooms, I have been forced to add additional names to the cast of characters for the movie.
Now that Charles Adler has finally decided to sink his teeth into the Crocus story, I gave him the opportunity to select the actor he wants to play him in the movie. So here it is: The role of Charles Adler will be played by Brad Pitt.
Next we have former Industry Minister MaryAnn Mihychuck, who was in the confessional booth with Richard Cloutier on Friday. MaryAnn's ego is not quite so large as Charles's. Her choice to play herself in the movie is Bette Midler.
I'm a little unnerved at the prospect of finding a character to play the NDP"s new point man on the Crocus file - the social worker finance minister, Greg Selinger, and I'm certainly open to suggestions on this one. Who can we find who's rather colourless, evasive, and is capable of doing the Pinnochio routine better even than the supreme weasel: Premier Doer?
 Now, this is a bigger stretch than having Brad Pitt play Charles Adler, but I would really like to see Dennis Franz (Sipowitcz from N.Y.P.D Blue) play Selinger. The reason why: If we ever get to see Paul Walsh  Jay Prober cross-examine Selinger, he's going to be sweating just like Sipowitcz used to.

New additions to the cast: (posted June 8)
This has now become very serious. My wife is furious with me that she hasn't been included in the movie. The part of Meachelle Bellan will be played by Cher, singing "If I could turn back time".
Krista Erickson said that she had heard that she will be playing herself in the movie. That is not correct. The part of Krista Erickson will be played by Queen Latifah. (Hey, if Brad Pitt is going to play Charles Adler, then this is really going against type.)
Marisa Dragani of CBC will, naturally be played by Marisa Tomei.
Kathleen Martens of the Sun asked that she be played by Sandra Bullock. I'm sorry, Kathleen.  You either have to get your hair straightened or it's Barbra Streisand and no one else. (Kathleen, upon further deliberation I realize that I have done you a great injustice. How does Cloris Leachman sound instead?)
Richard Cloutier certainly deserves a role in this movie. He has a great voice so I'm going to go with an actor who also had a great voice: Ted Knight - the actor who played Ted Baxter on the Mary Tyler Moore show.
Finally, people keep asking who's going to play me? There can be only one choice: Wayne Knight, who played Newman, the postman on Seinfeld.
I've even been rehearsing my line in the movie: "Hello Sherman!"

More additions (posted June 16):
This is starting to get very, very complicated. Since my ego has swoolen to unimaginable proportions as a result of being able to assign roles in this movie, I am being beseeched by media types to be added to the cast. I've warned them all that they're not likely to be impressed with the actors that I might like to play them. For instance, Globals' Connie Tamoto and I had a lively discussion over who could play her. I suggested Sandra Oh, but then again, Connie and I agreed that would be stereotyping so, upon further reflection and since Connie is so nice, I've come to the decision that Connie's part will be played by Courtney Love.
But, hey, my wife is already suspicious that I seem interested primarily in handing parts out to female reporters, so let's give some recognition to the guys. I've just gotten to know Jeff Keele of CJOB (We both share in common that we had Wally Fox-Decent as a prof. He was such a great guy back then. What happened?)
Anyway, Jeff's a really nice guy and looks very clean-cut, so naturally we couldn't think of anyone more suited to play him than Vin Diezel.
I would be remiss not to include the newest addition to our legal team - Harvin Pitch. This one is a no-brainer: Jason Robards - especially when he tries to rein in this writer the same way Jason Robards did with Woodward and Bernstein when he played Ben Bradlee in All the President's Men. Good luck to you, Mr. Pitch. Most people who know me will tell you that I can't go more than five minutes without saying something sarcastic or offensive.

New entries:
In the role of Russ Holmes, the earnest receiver who wishes we would all just go away and let him do his work unhindered (meanwhile collecting those outrageous fees) we have: Jason Alexander.

As Eugene Kostyra, we will have Oliver Platt. (Now I know that many of you don't have a clue who some of these actors are, but believe me when I tell you that as many hours of thought have gone into researching these roles as into Umlah's deciding where he was going to have dinner each night, e.g.let me see, is it going to be Wellington 529 or Green Gates?)

Now, here's a tough assignment: We have a brand new team of lawyers. Sure, it's easy to pick someone to play Jay Prober - how about William Shatner? But David Klein - he's quiet and determined. I'd like Gregory Peck in his Atticus Finch role from "To Kill a Mockingbird". (I'm sure David won't mind the choice.)

Then there's David Levi, the CEO of GrowthWorks. I know the guys from Ensis would love me to cast him as a villain, and the beard sort of lends itself to that. (What is it with would-be CEO's of Crocus, do they all have to have beards ? As I've said to several others: Would Adler qualify?)
Look,  I'm open to suggestions re Levi's role. But I can't help thinking of Oliver Reed - that's two Olivers in the space of three paragraphs; however, if he turns out to be not quite the hero that I've made him out to be, then he's going to be played by a different Oliver - Oliver Hardy.